Hello, my name is Dian Farhana
Friends call me Dian. Colleagues/teachers/faci/strangers prefer calling me Farhana.
I don’t why, they just do. -.-
For me? I’m fine with both, really. (:
I have a lot of nicknames; some are too embarrassing to state down.
Well, I’m officially legal as of 8 February 1992. Nothing to brag off actually.
Yes, it sure sounds sexciting and I do anticipate for this special day.
But once it’s over, it’s over. My life goes on, still the same every single day. -.-
I’m taking a diploma in RP majoring in Sports and Leisure management.
This may not be my first choice but still, I am really glad I get into this course.
I shall live my hopes on seeing my one and only idol, Usain Bolt.
Yes, I’m a big fan of him because I go “wow” when I see him runs and I go “oooh~” when he wins. :p
Oh well, it was just a wish. I hope it would come true though. :D USAIN BOLT, please visit Singapore, pretty please with millions cherries on tops.
One word, nine letters to describe myself.
I’m different; metaphorically though.
I’m different in a way that I have my own mindset and my thoughts, my belief; my thinking is different from others.
I guess I belong to the minority groups that think the same way as I do.
I think I am anti-social.
Honestly, I’m not a person who mingles with strangers and hit off with them like polaroid instantly.
I am quiet when I’m alone. But once I’m with a bunch of crazy friends around me, be prepared to see me being crazier than them.
I don’t like noisy places or worse, crowded places.
I just have this feeling that everyone is staring at me and that is scary.
I pity my parents most of the time because they are usually pressured whenever we are dining out.
I am born to be stubborn. That’s something you have to bear with me.
I want things to go my way. I am extremely determined to achieve what I want and it must happen.
I am very demanding. Try go against me, I’ll give you a triple worse attitude. Wanna give it a try?
I am egoistic, that I can’t deny. I always wanted to win. But sometimes (rarely). I would relent; that’s when you guys are lucky though.
I don’t like people who use profanities.
I can’t stand people saying it even though it’s once in a while.
But sometimes, I do say it too. :p But I’ll regret and smack my mouth.
I rarely feel angry. I guess that’s the only positive thing I am proud of myself.
But once I do, I’ll go extremely superbly quiet.
I guess I’ve learnt it since I was small to always keep my mouth shut.
That’s why it’s hard for me to console people who are angry with me.
Oh, but at the same time I am a rebel person too. Contradicting, I know.
But I would only rebel when things doesn’t go my way.
I rebel in my quiet way. I may be quiet when I am angry but I rebel at the same time. Get it?
I’m patient. Patience with limits. Be friends with me and you‘ll know how high my patience is.
Im not perfect.
And there’s still more weakness in me which I’ve yet to reveal.
Despite all these imperfections, I have a fair share of my strength in myself.
But that is for you guys to judge me. Now enough about myself.
Meet my one and only boyfriend, Nadhir Osman.
♥ My one love, my one heart, my one life for sure.♥
22.02.2010, that’s the special date. And it is special to us somehow in terms of the numeric terms.
As cliché as it may sound, but he completes my life.
He’s my best friend, my best companion, my best advisor, my best everything.
He may not be the most perfect guy in every girl’s eye, but he is to me.
His imperfections are perfect enough to be my better half.
Our relationship may not be as those like in fairytales.
We live in a place called reality.
We’ve had our share of fights and arguments but we never let them get us down.
How much I love him, why do I love him..it’s better left unsaid.
Just so all of you know, HE knows, that I love him truly; always and forever, eternity and beyond.♥
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Eclispe[ 9:17 AM ]
Yelaaaa, Eclispe out and all the girls is rattling about how happy they are watching it with their boyfriends! -.- Yelaaaaa, your boyfriend very sweet book for you guys! -.- Yelaaaaaaa, you guys are the earlybirds! -.- YES, I KNOW YOU HAVE BOYFRIEND! >:| GRRRR
Nabeh. No need to action what! Tell the whole world. >:|
Eh Pretty Little Liars, I wanna watch with you guys cannnnn? Pretty please. *Puss in boots eyes*
Hmph! You guys can watch with your boyfriends! I have my darlings to watch with. Bluek!
Saturday, June 19, 2010
[ 8:45 PM ]
It's been months since this song have been aired. Thousands of videos had been uploaded. And its only now, I decide to view one of the videos. Its a nice song by the way. I preferred the original one though. But all is nice. Awww ):
Saturday, June 12, 2010
[ 10:23 PM ]
Here comes the part where I have to be strong during at my lowest state. I thought all those obstacles in the past I had faced was the worst thing ever in my life. I was obviously wrong. As of this moment, my confidence is so low, I think I can jump off any high building at any point of time.
I can no longer deal with all these. Everything is pulling me down. Pulling me so low, that I can't even get myself up. It's a test from Him and I have to be strong. But I don't think its possible.
At times, I did question His power, doubting what islamics view on Him. Astaghfirullah al azim. Mengucap dian.
I just have alot in mind. Like me having to stay in JB for a period of time. And now I have to move again to another place just when I am getting used to this house. I have to think about my social life. I can't really spend much time in Singapore due to this. My mum is transferring to KL permanently which means she will be staying there and I would probably get to see her during holidays. I hope this would not happen and her boss would find someone else. I have a relationship to think about. It's not really about him but more to me. All this thing that's happening to me, I just throw my anger to him. I know I hurt him alot with my attitude at times. He have alot to put up with me. I cried to myself alot this year, especially after I moved here. And I hate myself for that. I don't know where is that cold, hard hearted girl who rarely cries at all. I don't know where's the happy go lucky girl who is strong enough to face anything. Haiz. My head hurts alot nowadays. I don't know why. I hope nothing serious to worry about.
Can I just have my old life back? That's all I'm asking for.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
[ 10:09 PM ]
Today I went to Singapore with an intention of going to the Silat. But early in the morning already, someone just can't stop blabbering of how she's gonna be alone and such. Well, I just pretend I don't hear anything. It became ultimately annoying when she keep saying it till lunch time. Would any of you guys still take it as a joke if it was you? Well, I don't. So, although no matter how much I wanted to go Silat, I just had this thoughts on her. I know if I go, I'll have to face the consequences later. Well, of course, she's my MUM. I've known her for my whole life, I know how she's like. So, from her reactions, I know she really was heavy hearted to let me go silat although she didn't say it directly. Please la, 18 years with her. I know what's her every single movement. So, yes I went to her office to accompany her but of course with a sullen face. I just went in without acknowledging her, just so she knows this time Im not giving in. Its a little too many times of me being mad at her, in fact, every single day I had something that Im unhappy about her; whether it was her actions or her words or anything. But little did I know, I went a little too far-fetched this time. Not that I intended to do it, it just a sudden reaction. I scream at her. Yes, I did. Maybe, I can't stand the pain I've kept in for my whole life. We had fights occasionally and sometimes its a huge fight, but never once did I ever scream at her. Because my dad taught me that I should always just keep quiet and I've been doing it well till now. She called dad and complained to him, but of course its a lie. So, to defend myself, I screamed at her. Dad was on my side, as always. Because him and me, we always faced this situations. I don't even have a sense of regret, even right now. I feel good. For the first time, I let all my anger out. I told her what Im not happy about. The weird thing is, she seems calm. She didn't scream like she always did. Im still wondering about that. Maybe she was shocked. Well, apparently, I cried. For the third time infront of her. Yes, I would never cry infront of her unless I can't take it anymore. And this time, I cried real bad. I am not myself today. And although this may sound harsh or cruel, but I think she deserves it. She should know that we suffered because of her and nobody fight for themselves because they scared of her. Well, I used to be one of them, but now, not anymore. Im not going to keep quiet anymore. Im going to fight for my own happiness. And she should know that.
I felt bad for him. I am ashamed of him. I know its not nice giving this attitude and left an impression of anyone. People might think Im an unfilial child. But I really hope he would understand me. Im not myself today. And I am disappointed of myself. Disappointed that I had to sacrifice his happiness for my mum. Yes, I know mum is always the priority. But maybe, just maybe, for once she should give me a chance to make others happy. And I know how her words always make people think she's the right one. How she twisted her words, are so.. cruel. Yes, she did give me the greenlight, but me as her child, would know how she's sincere in letting me doing something. And today, she's not. She may say its a joke, but maybe today, it was a little too much. You know that feeling when someone keeps bugging you for hours, and tried to brainwash you, tried to bribe you and stuff? Maybe for a few minutes, it may seems like a joke. But it was continuously, I don't think so. Before anyone of you wanted to say maybe Im wrong. Get this facts right, she's MY mum. I know her well enough to detect her sincerity. Back to what Im saying earlier, I just wanted to apologise to him for ruining the day. Im sorry if "we" let you be involved in this matter. Im sorry Im not heeding your advises. And Im sorry, that your girlfriend acted like this today. Im truly sorry sweetheart.
At the end of the day, me and mum parted ways. Wasting my time wasn't it? But no, Im not going to give in. I walked away from her although I was thinking how am I going home at that point of time. I almost took the train but dad saved the day. He called me and tell me to stay right where I am, and he'll come and get me. Dad, always the saviour of my life when she's the caused of all the unhappiness. He understands me. Although, we didn't really talk with each other and such, but we shared this secret bond together. Anyways, he came and it was early. For the first time, he reached this early to Singapore. However, I didn't know he came to get her as well. I had to stuck in the car with her throughout the journey. I know dad is looking for an opportunity to force me, yet again for a thousand times, to apologise to her. I know I should. Im a child and she's a mum. But not today. For the first time, I didn't even open my mouth to say a word of sorry. Im not going to give in. Maybe I will, but it'll take awhile; if she's willing to wait. I need time. Im not strong nowadays, and having another problem adding up my misery, how am I supposed to get up fast?
Though my day was a really bad one today. I did have a fair share of happiness with my sweetheart in the morning. Thankyou for that period of time of being with me although it was a short one. Thankyou for coming down all the way to tpy early in the morning. I know you're trying your best to improve, I shall say I am impressed with you. I appreciate all these things. Thank you so much dear. I love you. And a stranger managed to make me feel amused. So I was walking on a pavement on the way meeting my dad when a little girl ran to me from behind. I was shocked for a second. Well of course, my guess was right. Her brother asked for my number. HAHAHA. Always the same story when a little girl appeared on the scene. Been there done that few times before. BUT I look at the girl, smiled and said sorry and I walked away; without even looking behind to see the guy. See sweetheart, I don't flirt and I don't notty2 or whatsoever. I loyal to you okay. Cheyy, hmph! Hehe. But that small part sort of made me smile too. Why not. I was in my worst state, with a face that didn't even have any make-up and a face that just got over from crying, I think I looked damn bad. K thats not the point. Im still not happy.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
[ 8:09 PM ]
Finally, I’ve taken my photo and drop off my form at the ICA building. I’m gonna have a new passport with a new photo. Yay! But this new picture still cacat la. But better than my current one. HAHA.
Anyway, wanna say thanks to my sweetheart for accompanying me there. Once we dropped off the form, we met with his aunty for lunch. Thanks to her for treating us lunch. Hehehe.
So after lunch, took bus with them and dropped off at bedok inter. Again, I was alone. So, trying to fill the time up, I took 25 to Ang Mo Kio and went to the library. I forgot it was raining so the library was packed. And to avoid being in the library for long, I just grabbed a book, borrowed it and went out of the library.
Took bus to mum’s workplace and sat under the void deck for quite a while filling my time with the book.
I know some people would be surprised seeing me being alone. What a loner. I am so used to having people around me, and never go places alone. And to see myself being a loner now, tsktsk. I guess I’ve changed. Yes guys, Im not the girl who depend on friends and people to go anywhere. Im independent now. Not that I like it, but I guess, I’ll have to adapt this.
Anyhoos, I think Im not going to Singapore till school starts. I don’t see the need of going there. I would rather stay at home than walking around alone. Haha. :D
Toodles.
Oh, have you rp students checked your grades? Damn, mine’s E for Sociology, as expected. HAHA
Monday, June 7, 2010
♥♥♥[ 11:00 PM ]
I had an awesome day with my boyfriend today! It wasn't a date, but we spent the day with just the two of us. Morning did not really went that well since we were not in good terms the day before but by afternoon, everything's all fine and I had the best time of my life with him. (:
We didn't do much. More of like hanging out. But I am happy enough. Hees.
Thank you sayang for the day. I appreciate your presence by my side even when we did nothing much. And you know I love you right. ♥
And I hope your idea works this time round. Honestly, I think its a good idea too! :D
Sunday, June 6, 2010
[ 9:49 PM ]
Manage to go Singapore and catch the Silat finals. Congrats to all who wins and never give up to those who didn't manage to clinch the gold medal. You guys did well. (:
I get to meet some familiar faces over there. Met Azhar, friend sister and Fithri! And also my opponent that I lost to when I was in PSK years ago. Fithri was a jury. Omgosh. Haha. And I miss her lots (: Great to see all the silat people. And Azhar didn't seem happy to meet me. I think I know why although I hope its not true. Hmm.
So after silat, they wanted to have lunch/dinner together. I wasn't really looking forward to it since I didn't know most of them. Well, of course I know their names and saw them couple of times. But we're nothing more than merely strangers.
But of course, boyf really seems to be looking forward for it and what can I say right. Although I did say I did not want to go, I have to right. And whats worse when I know the place was the place that I really hated. Simpang bedok. -.- I didn't know where it was till we reached the place and I can't possibly go home right.
Simpang bedok, even my parents didn't even dare to bring me there unless they want to see me throw tantrums. Well, I should make it clear to you guys that I HATE crowded places. I don't why but I just hate it. And when Im in that situation, you guys can expect my mood swing right away.
And I think, my friends should know that. Since I refused to walk in the middle of the canteen in school during peak hours, I was hesitant to walk in front of the canteen, I preferred eating at the corner. Didn't any of this make sense? And I think I stated clearly in my blog "About me" section. Haizzz.
And the most disappointing thing ever? Someone who knows me for half a year already didn't know this basic thing. Sorry for the bad attitude I've thrown to you and your friends.
Well, I can't really stand it and there it was, an opportunity for me to get out from there when he decided to go for a smoke. Told him I wanna go home and he sent me to the bus stop. And right there and then, he finally knows the reason. The minute the bus came, he have a choice. And he chooses to be with them. Well, actually he have a choice to make the minute he knows my reason. But I can't see him doing anything except apologising. Well, okay then. (:
So yeah, I told you not to take the bus with me. I told you I wanna go home. But haha, the reason I want to go home is because I didn't want to be in the crowded places. Not because I didn't wanna spend time with you. You would have known that.
Well, this time, Im really utterly disappointed with you. Please do make a choice. Do you really need a girlfriend in your life?
I believed you have said that actions are more than words. Then, why each time you cheered me up is just through words? You apologised to me, you text me saying you love me. All the same each time we fight. But guess what? You failed the minute you left your bag on the chair and walk away once I boarded the bus.
Stop lying to yourself. Asked yourself. Do you really need a girlfriend in your life? You said you wanna spend time alone with me after eating. Then why do I not see you spending time with me after I left the table? Because you left your bag behind? Or because you have your friends there.
And guess what? I was damn hungry at that point of time. But I think only the people who knows me well enough would know that I wouldn't touch a single food in Simpang Bedok or rather, a crowded places. I lied. And you can't even catch the signs of me lying. You asked several times and that was it. That's it. You know what I always did when you refused to eat. I forced till you eat.
I don't expect any apologize from you. Not a word of it. What I need is an answer. A choice for you to make. Do you really need a girlfriend in your life?
Tomorrow I need to accompany my mum to work just because she need to go work alone since dad can't send her. There's a class bbq but I don't think I'm gonna attend. Sorry guys! Now I shall plan what I'm gonna do. Urgh. Probably sat stoning under the block or library. -.- HAHA. K bye.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
:D[ 10:35 PM ]
My morning did not really went that well. I was damn pissed off that I was left behind in Malaysia. I thought my mum would wake me up and she thought I would set alarm for myself. So, I didn't wake up. -..-
My mum then tried to cheer me up and she decided to watch movie. We checked on the internet and we chose Lagenda Budak Setan. Thought it was gonna be a bore, but no its not. In fact, I give it a 8.9/10 rating. Totally a must watch! :D
I almost cried watching it. Almost only! HEHEHE.
Before the movie start, we had our brunch. We had macdonald since that was the only food place available there. Kental right, I know. HAHA.
The malaysia cinema not bad y'knw. Cheap and the seats are just fine. But one problem. This one really cannot angkat. They bring small kids and they are so damn noisy but the parents didn't do anything bout it. Bodoh betol. And another problem is, I don't know if there's such rule or not here, but I think the people here got no common sense to actually silence their phone. -..-
Okay, so once the move was over, we had a little mini shopping. Then, called dad to pick us up since he's home. But he got sesat and we end up taking taxi home.
Then put our stuffs and out again for dinner. We had KFC. Ermmm, this one.. because we wanted to try the black pepper chicken flavour. Damn nice I tell you.
Today damn shiok eh. Mac la, KFC la. Dearest is so gonna be angry with me. Sorry syg! hees. :p